As Courageous Leaders, our goals used to excite and inspire us. Now they’re more like cries for help:
“I just want to get through this next project.”
“I’m hoping to make it to the end of Q3 with my sanity intact.”
“If I can just get these 3 things off my desk … .”
Or, the best one, “What goals? Who has time to write down goals?”
Okay, maybe what we’re going through is some sort of mid-summer malaise. But, lately, almost every week in fact, I talk with a leader, usually a woman, who is done. Just done. She is well and truly over it. Stick a fork in it. Turn the oven off. Done.
I mean, yikes. I’ve been hearing that waaay too often lately! Largely from super savvy senior executive women. The very women the rest of us count on to inspire and ignite our career passions. And I truly get it. I do.
The back-to-back meetings that go nowhere. The internal politics. The struggle to understand today’s consumers, let alone our own coworkers. Dealing with aging parents and not-aging-quick-enough children. All of it. Her optimism tank is empty. She’s fully fatigued from the fight.
And, I know, I know, we say this all the time. Then we pull up our knee socks, put on fresh mascara, and get back to work. Only, this time, the malaise feels deeper and more real. And it’s not just affecting senior leaders.
Look. When I entered the corporate world, I was prepared for an uphill battle. I knew I’d need to soldier through years of thankless “proving myself” and sidestep the boys club in order to get where I wanted to go. I had the advantage of a long view, and I was ready for the fight.
I think the newer generations were sold a different career package. “Just get your degree, get in there, and ta-daaah! You’re a success!” Then, when they actually break into a coveted job in a lauded organization, they’re shocked. They feel tricked. So that “doneness” comes waaay earlier in their career timelines.
There’s a metaphor I’ve been thinking about recently, a more science-y version of the one about breaking a camel’s back. The idea is that a teaspoon holds more water than its surface area might lead you to think, because the water takes on a convex shape instead of lying flat. I think that’s what happens to leaders, especially women leaders. We take on so much more than we should have to, or than we think we will have to.
We pull it off for a while. Then that one drop—it could be nothing in particular, not even a big, bad thing—but that one innocent little drop sends us over the edge. One silly little drop of nothing makes us say, “That’s it. I’m done. I’m not going to do this anymore.”
If your optimism tank is running on fumes right now, that analogy might make you shed a tear. Heck, I got a little choked up just typing it. But hold onto your teaspoon. The secret to avoiding a career-ending spillover is making some important decisions before we get to that last drop. To get there, we need to rethink our inner dialogue—we need to rewrite our mantras.
3 Mantras Every “Over It” Leader Needs Right Now
Control what you can control
You know this one. This is the idea of controlling what we can control, accepting what we can’t, and being wise enough to know the difference. We can’t control the weather, so we bring an umbrella.
More to the point, we can’t control systemic misogyny. We can’t control unconscious bias. We can’t control hierarchical nonsense. We can’t control the latest reorg. We can’t control the “good old boys’” network. But we can control how we use our own power to sidestep, respond to, and move over and above these barriers.
If you’re thinking, “But Cindy, I can’t control anything.” Shake it off. You have more power and control than you realize. You’re just not able to see it because, frankly, the system—the business world incumbents—sold you a bill of goods. Women actually have a ton of control. The issue is, we’ve been taught not to use it.
We’ve been told, cajoled, and convinced that using our power is disruptive, aggressive, bad for our careers. And all of that, my friends, is hogwash, flapdoodle, hooey, and simply not true.
We have power. Lots of it. When we begin each day by viewing ourselves as empowered leaders with unique strengths and plenty of leverage, we start to see those pockets of opportunity. This allows us to let go of frustrations and get excited again about being Courageous Leaders with big, meaningful goals and truly fulfilling careers.
Replace bad habits with bold habits
A huge part of feeling “over it” is our habits. It’s just easier to keep our heads down, avoid the spotlight, and just do the work. Don’t make waves. Blah, blah, blah. That’s the voice in our heads that we keep defaulting to. But, if we keep reverting to this default mode, we’ll end up as doormats instead of the magnificent leaders we truly are.
I was at a gig a couple of weeks ago, and somebody asked me about the backlash against DEI, and I said, “Look. I’ve worked my whole life, my whole career, both inside the corporate world and outside of it, trying to help women in particular, but trying to help people create equitable, positive workplaces. And I (of course) believe in diversity, equity, and inclusion. But I’m telling you, as somebody who has been in the thick of this for the past 35 years—whatever we’re doing hasn’t been working. So let’s stop doing it that way.”
That’s my point. Incremental change isn’t working. Just showing up with a smile on our faces, ready, willing, and able—isn’t working. So we need to stop doing what isn’t working and replace those activities with bold strokes that say, “Here’s how it should be done. LFG.” Sure, stepping up, taking bold action is going to feel uncomfortable at first. But all new habits take time to get locked in.
I used to say we need to “cultivate” a culture of courage. Now I say we must build it, brick by brick. Regaining control is about getting out of the habit of suggesting, recommending, advising, cultivating … and into the habit of taking bold action.
Get courageous and go for it!
This one is about making decisions based on facts and not as a result of mental exhaustion. (How many times have you said, “F— it” lately? I know. Me too.)
By bolder strokes and taking courageous action, I mean not sitting in a company for eight years when you haven’t been happy for four of them. I mean changing jobs to get the higher title or more meaningful responsibilities you know you deserve.
I mean mustering the courage to earn a salary that’s commensurate with your value. Courageously speaking up for a female candidate who would be spectacular in that new role. Working the circle of influence or leverage, or whatever you want to call it, to build an exemplary, multifaceted, antifragile Culture of Courage.
Importantly, we need to start with what we can do for ourselves. We need to screw up the courage to move out of bad, unproductive, or just stagnant situations. Our careers will not build themselves, we must build them. And that starts with asking, “What is within my control? What do I need to stop doing? Where do I need to shake up the status quo?”
Decide today to stop settling, stop waiting for the conditions to be exactly perfect, stop hoping for a smooth, clear path forward—forge your own. Summon your inner Courageous Leader and charge ahead toward your dreams.
WHAT’S NEXT? Right now, at Cindy Solomon & Associates, we are reveling in new tips, techniques, and training around Courageous Leadership for Women. If you’re an executive or leader seeking guidance on how to engage and inspire your teams to perform beyond their wildest dreams, go to www.courageousleadershipinstitute.com to grab a webinar, workshop, or keynote customized to your organization’s specific needs.
